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We love people who hurt us and hurt people, who love us,

My heart was taken by you, loved by you & now is in p i e c e s  because of you.

Just because I took that backward fall and said “I love you”

Matrimony was the destination of this ride.

Through the ups and downs I vowed to forever be by your side

Even though I knew it sounded, crazy, far-fetched.

But I saw no end with you because the power of God & love would ensure we’d make the stretch.

Whilst in the driver’s seat…you start to doubt, we begin to slow down.

Then you decide to completely pump the brake.

You look to me & say “I need time for me, so this is it”

You see the sorrow and remain adamant  that you still love me?

BULLSHIT!!

There were so many things that should have been done, should have been spoken,

Instead you’re no longer here and every bit of me is broken.

Falling in love with you was unbelievable, scary and brisk,

 I fought my fears because I believed you were worthy, worth the risk.

Being heartbroken is something I can’t deal with, something I can’t digest.

Is this heart break?, smiling to the world with a pulsating pain in my chest.

A millions words could not you bring you back, I know because I’ve tried.

 Neither would a trillion tears, I know because I’ve cried.

Was you not meant to be my confider, my solider?

Love me, protect me and never let’s go off me

I hear your name, the pain resurfaces and tears begin to stream my face,

Wondering if the last time, really was the last time I get such loving embrace.

“Eventually you’ll get over it” they say,

With time this wound will go away,

Is that what you say? Is that what keeps your conscious clear?

Wondering “Has she moved on from me, she really needs to let me go”

Remember wounds may go but the deepest pain leaves the deadliest scar,

I fear to love another,

So potentials become a friend, a brother or an insignificant other

You’ve made liking someone feel like I’m at a disadvantage

This is what it feels like to scared, paranoid, damaged,

All the while I was holding on, you were letting go

Will he do the same.. that is something I will never know,

Frustrated that this wound does not have a due date for when it will be done healing,

I question for you was any of it real?

I would’ve rather you broken my neck, than broken my heart

It would have healed quicker,

I would rather you cheated than just say “I love you but it’s over”

It would have been easier.

You’ve left, you’re gone,

But I know that God has a greater plan for me so my life must go on,

My dreams and ambitions I’ve always knew,

My dreams are and always have been bigger than you.

I’m a phoenix I’m rising from the ashes of your broken promises and disappointment,

I give God all the appraisement

When you’re ready to have what you letting go of right now,

Know I was the woman that never broke her vow. 

If she breaks you the way you broke me,

Know that this is karma giving you a first class delivery,

You’re hurt, broken, shattered & crushed

 Understand we love people who hurt us and hurt people who love us

His side, Her side & The Truth

One thing I love to do is read and one of the many books I have read was by Hill Harper called The Conversation.

In his book, he explains how black men & women can persevere at building long-lasting loving relationships. I don’t usually read these relationship books because all relationships are different so how can ONE book be able to FIX all problems in a relationship? But because I think Hill Harper is hella fine and I was bored I thought might as well give it a read.

I asked a few people what they thought were the main reasons for a break-up? They said :
 Lack of Growth
 Lack of Understanding
 Infidelity
 Ignorance
 Complacency
 Indecisiveness
 Immaturity

Obviously these aren’t the only reasons as to why a couple would decide to call it quits but these are the most common. Infidelity is a very difficult thing to get over and sometimes the trust can never be restored and if there is no trust, a relationship can’t work but it isn’t impossible to make things right especially if the cheater is remorseful. Now for the other six that are on my list, they are lot easier to work on than infidelity and a lot of couples break up because of it and that I believe that is due to the breakdown in communication. I’ve seen a lot of relationships and friendships die because no-one is willing to speak and most importantly LISTEN.

Reading Hill Harper’s book, he showed me that we as individuals never wanna admit that we are a part of the problem. “It’s always his/her fault”, “if he/she would just…”. We’ve all played the blame game; I can admit that I was guilty of this. Even though their actions may be more blatantly problematic , you still have a part to play- in how you react. Not all, but usually black women when our men start to act up a little we tend to just start shouting the roof off, which only makes the situation worse. The guy either tunes you out or just continues to do it just to piss you off. Hill Harper gives examples of how to communicate with one another, this person is your partner, lover & best friend, you shouldn’t have to feel like you can’t speak to them but the way you choose to communicate will determine if the issue will get resolved. When we feel hard done by it is difficult to see from the other person’s perspective. However, counting to ten and calmly expressing how you feel and LISTENING to their thoughts, not only stops an argument but it also gives you a chance to get an insight on what you are doing wrong. Your partner is like your mirror, they tell you what you can’t see especially the negative because as humans we find it difficult to self-analyse ourselves. Learning how to communicate with one another brings:
• A better understanding
• Growth
• Maturity
• More effort

In the book there was a bit that stood out to me, Hill was at a dinner and a heard a couple talking about relationships and they said “that’s the problem with young brothers & sisters today, it’s all about me, me, me, me, me; always about the individual not about the community, no wonder the black family is falling apart” and you know what the sad thing about this is, it’s true. The biggest percentage of single-parent families is amongst black ethnic groups: 48% of black Caribbean families have one parent and 36% of black African families have one parent. If we add that together we make up 84% of the lone-parent families in the UK. Unbelievable right?

This is due to the fact someone decided that the relationship wasn’t working for them, someone let ignorance make them feel like they could live life better alone, she left because she felt like he just never understood her. In my opinion alongside prayer, there is another important thing that is needed to maintain a relationship like Hill harper said “couples understanding that it’s worth it”, that willingness to not give up, if the person you rocking with loves, cares, trusts and is honest and committed to you understand that it is worth it. No-one is 100%, so don’t be naïve and let go of you 95% in hopes that you will find something closer to that 100 because the likelihood is you are gonna end up disappointed and alone. Learn the best way to communicate with your partner, discuss you issues and find solutions and put it into practice. No relationship is easy but when you look 65+ years on & reminisce on the times you could have given up & see you children and your grandchildren sitting all around you. You will realise that it was worth it.

“Some people be…

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers

As humans we are willing to hold onto things or people because of fear of the unknown. We question if we have the ability to do or get better. We also grow such an attachment, we feel lost if this thing or person is not there. Those doubts and fears can cause us to hold on to the things or the people that we need to let go of. Letting go of something or someone you love or has given you so much is one of the most difficult tasks in life. I mean why change the dynamics of the game?  The amazing thing about life is change is inevitable & change is what helps to become the person God has destined us to be. Even if sometimes that change isn’t something you particular wanted but whether we understand it or not, & cliché as it sounds everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the things/people that come in our lives are not meant to stay no matter how much we want them to. Just like scaffolding on a house, it is there to support the house temporarily. Once it’s complete the scaffolding comes down & the house stand on it’s own. Some people/things may only be there to take you to the next level and then you head out on your own. So don’t feel weak because you let it go, but feel proud that you had the strength to walk away and trust that you will receive something bigger and better.